(The following topic was presented live online on 11 April 2000 in " Dom/me Space " within Excite VP Talk. There are many more topics listed there)   If you want to read part I of Lucy's presentation which includes some room discussion click here .

This started out as a topic to help new Dom/mes within VP to understand the differing kinds of people OTHER Dominants are... Basically I have found... If you have 25 Doms in a room you will probably have 25 different styles but in essence they seem to boil down to a few basic ones, and used to varying degrees, whether it is their personal way or learned is not known... and I wouldn't even want to hazard a guess.

It should go without saying that all styles should be non-exploitive, voluntary, informed, consensual, safe and sane. The Dominant's responsibility is to the well being of his submissive, not to her/his own satisfaction, altho hopefully done in the right way with the right submissive you can get the best of both worlds.

This is of course only the involved couple's business. To expect other submissives and Dominants to follow your rules and expectations is neither fair nor realistic, and in VP will certainly get you some IMs that you wont wish to have and maybe a not so pleasant reputation.

The types I have boiled down to are: Disciplinarian, Bondage Artisan, Sensualist, Mental Controller, Role Player, Humiliator, Servitude Dominant, Toy Artisan, Fetishist and Sadist.

Disciplinarian

This one covers a multitude of sins. Usually rules and expectations fit into this heading are how a submissive will present themselves to their Dominant, their behavior in the room, their schedule, eating habits, free time, reading and studying to be accomplished, setting dates and times for emails, assignments, journals etc. How to sit, kneel or how the sub is to behave in front of others.

What will be the punishment or discipline for infractions? Whether it be a time out, a new and more tasking assignment, wearing of an av or in real time a piece of clothing for set time or shutting a sub in a closet to think about what they have done... to the punishment aspect. Know the difference between Punishment and Discipline, Discipline is to be shown the correct way or to repeat the unwanted action with the Dominant's requirements strengthened.

Punishment is to make sure the action doesn't happen again. Unfortunately giving a spanking as a punishment wont work, unless your sub HATES to be spanked. Most people I have talked to agree that punishment should never occur when the Dominant is angry... take some time out yourself... put it into perspective. Never lose site of the fact that your sub is looking to you for guidance and nurturing.

If you do not explain calmly why you are punishing or disciplining the sub then there is a fair chance that your submissive with build up tons of distrust, and you will have a revolting sub on your hands..and I don't mean the revolting yucky kind, but one that will make you wonder what the hell you have done to deserve it, on the whole... 99.99999*% of people on earth are not mind readers, you cannot expect someone to follow your rules if they don't know what they are. If it is lack of communication... work on your skills, together.

Rewards for fulfilling the rules as required are equally important. As a Dom it is NOT your right to have someone do your bidding without realizing that they are fulfilling your desires to the best of their ability. She is a person, with needs and desires too. If she pleases you show it with as much fervour as you would a punishment or discipline... everyone likes to be praised.

While many people like to own or be owned, it is still two people not one... and both sides should be able to compromise.

Bondage Artisan

Lots of safety measures to be taken into account here, mental and physical... Never lose sight of the safety aspect, for yourself and for your submissive... I know Silk will be doing a topic on safety so I'm gonna leave that to her. Bondage covers everything from mental bondage silk scarves, rope, chains, leather or rubber wrist and ankle cuffs, thigh cuffs, arm binders, plastic wrap, gags, blindfolds hoods, collars, leashes, spreader bars, ceiling hooks, spanking bench, St. Andrew's cross pillory, genital bondage, duct tape, suspension, cages. Anything that restricts movement by the submissive, whether 'tis arms, legs, head, torso, genitalia or fingers and toes. The variations of bondage are as wide as the things to tie people up with. The more you grow in the lifestyle the more your areas of interest will change. Items such as duct tape and ropes, metal cuffs, chains, I believe should be understood by the Dominant, even tried by the dominant so a) they know how it feels and b) to make sure it's safe! It may look awful nice but until you know personally what it's like struggling for an hour with a chain grinding against your sensitive bits, I would suggest only using them if your sub is used to them and even then always safely, sanely and consensually.

Sensualist

This is one of my favourite parts; sensual seems to be popular amongst Dom/mes in VP. The tactile stroking spanking touching feeling the use of hands, feathers, fur, floggers, wax, nipple clamps, clothespins, genitorture, CBT, weights, cock rings, ice, hot wax, oils and lotions, abrasion, giving massage, tickling, sexual teasing, sexual denial, pinching, nipple teasing and the list just keeps on going. But if it can be used safely on the skin... it can feel wonderful. This one seems to be a mixture of mental control, fetish and toy styles, but mostly the pleasure against the skin, and the mental anticipation. Feathers being drawn over the sensitive parts, fingernails scratching softly then hard, the feel of Ice and heat, the tenderness of a fur mitt to the feel of a whartenburg wheel, the possibilities are endless. And can feel sensual or downright torture, if prolonged. The erotic suggestions, the sighs and moans, the sweet sound of almost orgasmic pleasure is sometimes hard to bear *poor us.* The applications of changing tactile sensations is almost an art in itself, and from what I see, grins we are a pretty good bunch at using it.

Humiliator

In my time in D/s within VP, I have seen humiliation being used and abused, and often misunderstood when I have broached the subject in rooms, people are hesitant to admit that it is used in their relationships. But to many the thought of being caught is sexually exciting or a thrill. I once heard from a submissive that her master ordered her to wear a vibrator to the grocery store and not wear any panties. The trip to the store was uneventful, except for the vibe, but once she was in the store her face was red, she "knew" that people could hear the buzzing. That her face was telling them her secret and she was thrilled until she bent over to pick up a jar from the bottom shelf in the store when... the end of the vibe and the batteries fell out and rolled across the floor. She was humiliated but she felt excited that it had happened, that people were looking at her and wondering what the heck she was doing, even more happy when she realised her Master would get a kick out of her retelling it, and reward her for going thru it. Maybe it's because I'm a Domme or I don't get out enough, but humiliation especially in VP, seems to be favoured by male subs much more than female. Maybe male subs are more open to being humiliated to be made to crawl around a room cleaning with a feather duster as a tail, to enjoy a derogatory remark about body or appendage size. I won't go into that, as it's something I don't know enough about, but I will find out.

It will all depend on what you and your submissive find personally humiliating and how much you want to see your sub squirm, it's very mental control orientated style and not for everyone. The types of humiliation can be anything from foot kissing, kneeling, being trampled, serving as a footstool, as a table or rug, led on a leash, forced masturbation, anal plugs, vibes and dildos strap-on (sucking, penetration), fantasy rape, forced cross-dressing, exhibitionism, shoe or boot worship, puppy or pony play, being made to eat out of a dog bowl, to walking thru a room of Dominants to be touched and felt by numerous hands... anything you find humiliating.

Mental Controller

Ranges from whispering suggestions that make the submissive weak with desire or anticipation, to hypnosis (not for beginners).

To stand behind a submissive that trusts you, standing blindfolded, bringing your lips so close to their neck that they get goosebumps, where they can feel the heat of your fingers on their back without you touching, anticipating, moaning or whimpering softly, smiles to me is a wonderful feeling. Knowing that you are in their heads, controlling for that scene, even your relationship, their emotions. They are giving themselves to you with trust and love and desire... then there is the mental control where we want the submissive to do our bidding, usually with other styles such as humiliation and toys, role playing and service.

Role Player

This is a lot easier for some people to do than others, some enjoy it immensely, It is usually one on one role playing with costumes and toys or fetish involved and adds a sense of playfulness that may not be there in some other aspects of your relationship. Aunt/nephew, Boss/secretary, Disciplinarian /bad boy, Goddess/ slave,Interrogator/prisoner, Mistress/submissive, Queen/courtier, Secretary/boss, Teacher/ Schoolboy or girl, Kidnapper/ Captive, Mistress/pet/toy, Doctor/patient/nurse, etc. These are all interchangeable, and is only limited by your imagination and toy buying abilities, usually costumes and props. This is often an incorporation of discipline, fetish, toys and mental, maybe even a little humiliation.

Servitude Dominant

This one is something I don't have a lot of personal experience with, but I know it seems to be popular with some of the topics that have been discussed. A simple example is serving coffee. Other examples would be serving meals, washing and ironing clothes, dressing, bathing, shaving, manicures, pedicures, massages, shining boots, being used as plate or piece of furniture, butlering, maid service, being a used by others, dancing, etc. The list is seemingly endless. It would take weeks to go into them all. I am painfully ignorant about many service types; Gorean and Asian for example but I'm learning.

Toy Artisan

OOOOOH TOYS YUM! Toys come in so many different shapes and sizes, that I could be here all night talking about them, but I tend to group them into the following groups:

Heavy Toys: this would include things like a medical table, St Andrews cross, cage, spanking tables and benches, suspension apparatus, anything that can't be easily hidden, when the parents pop in for a surprise visit.

Smackables: this is anything that can be used for smacking spanking or whacking paddles, hairbrush, wooden spoon, ruler, leather strap, tawse, floggers, rattan cane, nylon cane, riding crop, bullwhips, signal whips , you get the picture.

Tieables: You guessed it anything that can be used to tie up a submissive, rope, chains, ribbon, nylon cord, duct tape, electrical tape , cabling, phone wires, cuffs and restraints fall into this category.

Insertables: Well let's think... butt plugs of all shapes and sizes, the same with dildos and vibes, fruit household items, but lets be safe clean it well, if in doubt glove it (use a condom), nothing worse than having to go to your doc with banana fly disease, or something nasty that you can pass between you over and over again.

Other: This covers all the fiddly things that we have, clothespins, clamps vices, weights, anything that can be found around the house and used in evil and ingenious little ways. This is the most fun you can have with household things.

Playing with Toys Safely
Use lube, and lots of it. Humans secretions are a wonderful thing but sometimes that 14 inch vibe is gonna need more than an hour of foreplay to get where it's supposed to go, without causing some pain and or tearing. Clean items before and after use, use special cleaners if leather or fabric. Check to make sure that edges aren't frayed, split, cracked or other wise busted, it's not worth your submissive's health or safety to play with broken toys. Practice with some toys on yourself, know how they feel, what they aren't capable of and what they are, don't force it. I know that this is a subject that will be covered so I will move on to the next heading.

Fetishist

Fetishes were originally inanimate objects thought by primitive societies to possess supernatural powers. Today fetishism means obtaining sexual excitement and gratification from an object which, in Freud's terms, "bears some relation to the normal sexual object but is entirely unsuited to serve the normal sexual aim (read procreation)." Thanks Mr. Freud and the Deviant's Dictionary for that meaning.

To those of us who are more interested in the up to date kinds of fetish, we are basically getting our jollies by using something we have no way or intention of having intercourse with, it enhances our image of ourselves or of the person we desire. On the other hand how many times has a hair colour or a pair of shoes, a skirt or tight buns caught your eye and made you go weak at the knees. Then the person turns around and made you go, "Oh no, that's not for me," (or words to that effect). Is that a form of fetish? Uh huh.

There are many fetishes, I guess if someone feels a stirring in their loins you can have a fetish about anything, and some do. Amongst the BDSM community this is a huge list. So I have cut it down to the more known ones: crossdressing, breasts, milking, age play, corsets, exhibitionism, feet, shoes, boots, stockings, bras, garter belt, pantyhose, leather lingerie, pvc, rubber, silk, body hair, pubic hair or lack of, knives, gloves, men's bums, ladies" bums, animals, scat, golden showers, voyeurism, smelling bicycle seats and the list goes on.

The important thing to remember is that your fetish may not be someone else's. It may become one over time, but this is where your personal preference could be compromised. Some Dominants and submissives find it hard to tell another person what their fetishes are, we have been told by society that we are weird, and perverted, and even in the BDSM lifestyle, the taboo is still felt, until a certain level of understanding in the relationship is reached.

Sadist

Sadism takes its name from a gentleman called Count Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade, better known simply as the Marquis de Sade. De Sade was born in Paris in 1740 and died in 1814. It is from de Sade's name that the term "sadism" is derived. His notoriety dates from 1768 when he was imprisoned for maltreating a prostitute. The focus of his writing was the exposition of the fundamental principle: "Virtue is vice, and vice is virtue."

Sadism today basically means emphasis on the enjoyment a sadist obtains from inflicting pain, and the intensity of the physical stimulation it can involve. Which means sensations that most people would agree are painful, such as whipping, needles, nailing, piercing etc. To those that are invasive though not necessarily painful such as blood play, enemas, catheters and the like. The boundary between pleasure and pain can change especially when other sexual stimulation is involved, this is when we hear the term endorphin rush Giving a sense of dreamy and intense well being, almost like being on a drug high.

Sadists who inflict pain may get more out their 'victim's' enjoyment of it than from inflicting pain for its own sake. Are you a sadist? Well, I think it all depends on what your definition of pain is, to some spanking with a hairbrush is sadistic, and if done for a repeated period of time with increasing force would to me be sadistic. To others it's not until you get to the "edge play" games, like fireplay, tens units, violet wands, needles and the like. Others see mental manipulation if used wrongly as sadistic, even if it isn't meant to be.

Even an experienced Sadist takes time to know a new submissive and as a new Dom/me you have to know about the submissive while learning the technique. Just work slowly, one step at a time, communicate, stay determined, and remember your submissive can't be fixed with super glue. A submissive is not a toy, a submissive is a human warm living person with emotions and needs, who is looking to you to take their submission and look after it, not hurt it irreparably.

Thank you all for listening to me.

I hope you found this interesting and give you some new thoughts to play with on your journey through BDSM.

- END -

Footnote

This was written in 2000, since then I have learned an awful lot and altho I still believe what Ive written there is an awful lot I could add to this but until I do, please understand this comes from my personal experience and feelings and is to be treated as such. Lucylastic

Copyright 2000 Lucylastic